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 [转帖] Whom not to marry [from www.nomarriage.com] |
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laozhong
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作者：laozhong 在 海归酒吧 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
If it flies, floats or fucks, you are better off renting it.
Whom not to marry.
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Be Selfish Now
It's amazing how many people think that a guy looking for a good woman should do what's "fair" or what's socially responsible. Fuck that. It's each guy's responsibility to find a woman that's the best possible choice for HIM. Who will make HIM happy. This one time, when he's choosing his future wife, he needs to focus exclusively on his own needs and making sure they are satisfied.
Trust us, nobody else in the world, least of all your wife, is worrying about your needs or wants. So you should worry about your own.
And this is the last chance you'll get. Once you're actually married, you'll find that everything about marriage, legal, financial, and emotional, will be about HER and the kids. Your needs will be dead last, or even more likely, not even recognized. You will be just a provider, a mechanic, or whatever type of worker bee the woman and children happen to require at the moment.
So, take this one chance, young man, to make sure that the woman you are looking for satisfies YOUR needs and wants.
So forget about what's politically correct or socially responsible. Be selfish. That's the best thing you can do for yourself, and for your future wife.
Look for Wifely Qualities, Not Just Girlfriend Qualities. Women have been encouraged to chase relentlessly after personal fulfillment...being well-educated, physically fit, interesting, and financially secure. All these things are really great, and make for a wife who is nice to be around. BUT there are a whole other set of qualities that modern women have ignored...and even, avoided. These are the skills and habits that make them a good wife.
Of course, many people pooh-pooh this idea...many people think that marriage just "happens" when two people love each other. Au contrair. A happy marriage takes skill. There are a whole set of attitudes and habits that each partner needs to bring.
The "wifely" skills are those that the woman needs to have, or learn darned quick, if she's going to make you happy. In fact, the woman's "wifely" skills are probably the most important single factor in the success of the marriage. The woman, with her better emotional strength, and her vastly superior ability to track and manage the health of the relationship, is the key to long term success.
Of course, in the past 50 years, women have disavowed those wifely skills, as well as their natural responsibility for the relationship. No wonder that so many marriages are miserable, and the rate of divorce is sky-high!
So here's a practical tip for all you intrepid wife-hunters. Remember that the qualities that make a woman a good wife may be quite different from those that make her a good girlfriend. As the saying goes "American women are great for easy casual sex, but make terrible wives".
Don't assume that a woman, just because she's a hot girlfriend, will make a good wife for you. When you're really (really!) serious about finding a wife and mate, prove your seriousness by changing your aim. Look for a woman who may *not* make a great girlfriend, but *will* make a fantastic wife!
What are good wifey skills?
Cooking, cleaning, mothering, nurturing, wants kids, loves kids, loyal, trustworthy.
What is important is that the wife does not have a real negative attitude towards doing those things. Any trace of snobbery at doing traditional female tasks is a bad sign of a princess.
Marrige is a case where both partners need to give up something to get somthing different and greater in return. If anyone is selfish about the realtionship then it won't work.
And a marrige except for a few cases needs someone to be a provider, and someone to be a domestic.
No woman with strong feminist leanings will EVER be happy with the breakdown of tasks in the household. They will ALWAYS be preoccupied with fairness and feel they are being taken advantage of. They never realize that a marriage is letting your guard down and mutually trusting the other person!
Also, not with one who has a drunk daddy. Always check out the mom today to see your honey tomorrow. Is mom fat?
Never Marry a Woman Who has the Same Career Ambitions in a Similar Industry as You Do.
If you're not that agressive about your career, it's ok to marry a woman who is.
If you are agressive about your career, then it's not OK to marry a woman who is also agressive about her career...
unless it's a career in an industry that is very different from yours.
Basically, marriage doesn't work all that well when you have two driven, ambitious people. Clashing egos for 40 years...uh-uh. Ain't gonna work.
I would rephrase "success in career" as just some sort of success in an organization, with the definition of success left broad. so as opposed to just being a party girl who's irresponsible and can't hold a job for more than six months (and usually just sees work as a means to party), you'd want a chick who has managed to be successful in a job or as a volunteer in an organization or as an artist or whatever. Just SOMETHING that requires some level of fiscal responsibility, organizational skills, professional interpersonal skills along with taking the "good and the bad" for some higher goal. Not someone who walks away as soon as some level of disomfort approaches, or is afrait to persue ANY goal.
Never marry a woman whose father took off or was abusive to her mother UNLESS she got the right lesson from it ... the right lesson being that responsible men are to be adored and valued and their eccentricities and (mild, occasional) irresponsibilities tolerated. You need to have clear evidence that she took the right lesson -- if not, you're going to have a nightmare marriage dominated by her suspicion, paranoia, and total inability to please.
Never marry a woman who, while you are dating, is even SLIGHTLY open to other men's flirtation, who even occasionally tells you she's going out clubbing with the girls, who has any significant relationship with an ex (unless you know the ex, are included whenever your girl sees the ex socially, and can personally validate that it is purely "just friends" and trust that with your gut.) Marriagable women are totally loyal and have NO interest whatsoever in any other man or any interest whatsoever in having any other man pay them attention.
Never marry a woman who complains about your appearance, or even cares to much about it, beyond a "you aren't going to go to my mother's house in that wrinkly shirt." Let's face it: you're going to working hard to support her and the kids, and if you pack on some lbs or go gray, you don't want to worry about her deciding that it merits her having an affair.
Never marry a woman who is sexually demanding in terms of your performance, who withholds sex on a regular basis on the grounds of headache or disinclination, or thinks she has a "right" to anything in particular sexually -- who, for example, will refuse you sex or make you keep doing things in bed on the grounds that you didn't get her off the last time. You are going to get older and fatter and her libido is going to go off a cliff as she gets older and has kids. If she is even slightly hard to deal with sexually now (in terms of giving it up, or in terms of demanding things from you now) she is going to be IMPOSSIBLE to deal with five years after marriage. You WILL have a marriage which is nearly sexless.
Never marry a woman who's habitually late. If she can't get there on time when she's single, she'll never be there on time to pick up your kids from daycare or baseball practice. It will never get better.
Can be generalized to "all bad habits will persist and worsen."
Here is one of the most important tips: ignore what women say, and watch what they do. Your post reminded me of a female co-worker of mine who used to say she'd never date anyone from work. I liked her, so I waited till I quit to ask her out...whereupon, of course, I discovered she'd been fucking the guy in the cube next to her for months.
Anyone in therapy. She is getting 50 minutes a week of 'how to hate men' brainwashing. And it's expensive as fuck and you'll be expected to pay for it.
作者：laozhong 在 海归酒吧 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
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 [转帖] Whom not to marry [from www.nomarriage.com] -- laozhong - (8604 Byte) 2006-1-25 周三, 00:19 (1229 reads)
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