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[转帖]谈判桌上的语言学问题 -- 游客 - (7010 Byte) 2009-1-18 周日, 09:44 (1981 reads) |
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作者：游客 在 海归商务 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
作者：英国《金融时报》专栏作家露西·凯拉韦(Lucy Kellaway) 2009-01-14
每年1月，我都要根据在过去12个月里取得的“杰出”成就，向全球最胡扯商业用语的提供者颁奖。但在今年，我一度担心我的颁奖典礼无法如期举行。
去年9月，我在我的一篇专栏中指出，金融危机已使得企业管理层胡扯言论的销量创下新低；商界人士似乎已放弃胡言乱语，变得更为清醒与明智。尽管这对整个世界来说可能是件好事，但对我的颁奖典礼却是一场灾难。
不过，我刚才又翻了翻我的“2008年胡扯商业用语”储藏柜，发现里面的存货几乎一如既往的充足，这带给我巨大的安慰。不仅前9个月里有一些非常优秀的胡言乱语入围，而且过去这3个月里也有很多值得推荐。企业管理层胡扯的能力似乎是与生俱来的，以至于经过去年9月短暂停歇后，现在又一切照旧了。这意味着，我现在可以高兴的宣布：我的“2008年最胡扯商业用语”颁奖典礼将照常举行。
● 我今年颁发的第一个奖项是一个新设奖项，叫做“徒劳无功奖”。花旗银行(Citibank)当仁不让地获得了这一奖项。去年夏天，正当业务变得极为艰难之时，花旗银行给全体员工发送了一条欢快的短信，建议他们把花旗的主题铃声下载到自己手机上。短信是这样写的：“这一声音品牌特别为花旗创作，显示 (Ladder Off)出了我们‘驾驭成功'的决心”。“Ladder Off”这个词给“胡扯用语”评委们留下了特别深刻的印象，因为他们以前只听说过 “Ladder”作动词使用时与长筒丝袜有关。（译者注：Ladder本指梯子，动词可作“跳丝”讲，织品跳丝的部分通常呈阶梯状。折叠躺椅可能容易刮到丝袜造成跳丝，因此用其暗指Ladder。）
● 第二个奖项是“经济学家胡扯奖”。对于那些“事后诸葛亮、事前猪一样”的经济学家来说，2008年似乎是美妙的一年。不过，今年的奖项要授予世界银行 (World Bank)的某位经济学家，他非常巧妙的两面下注，以至于人们不可能了解他的观点。就像他对英国广播公司国际部(BBC World Service)所说的：“在我们的基本情况模拟中，存在积极的一面。呃，相应的，也存在着向某种不利方向发展的、消极的一面。”
● 第三个奖项是“最令人恼火的等候消息奖”。2008年，该奖项的争夺像往年一样激烈。不过，英国驾驶标准局(Driving Standards Agency)无可置疑地获得了该奖。他们的一条等候消息是这么说的：“感谢您的来电。本次通话的预期等待时间……长于我们期望您等待的时间。考虑到您的时间、耐心和相关费用，我们将终止此次通话。”然后它就挂断了。
● 下一个奖项是“最佳新职位头衔奖”。帝亚吉欧(Diageo)最终一枝独秀夺得该奖。该公司在去年的歇业期间发布公告称，达伦•琼斯(Darren Jones)将加入“帝亚吉欧Way of Selling团队，担任客户、渠道盈利能力及贸易投资设计总监”。
在该奖项中，评委们注意到了一个新的、有意思的趋势：头衔的膨胀不再意味着职位重要性的提升，而只意味着名称的加长。如果没钱给员工加薪的话，那么退而求其次的办法就是在他的头衔里填几个字。
● 今年另一个新设奖项是“视员工如牛马奖”。由于太多公司因在过去几个月大规模野蛮裁员而具备获奖资格，因此评委们决定，选出任何一家公司获奖都有失公允。他们转而决定，表彰伦敦布伦特区议会(Brent Council)在“视员工如宠物”方面所取得的成就。该议会告诉其工作人员，晚上要关掉电脑，并辩称这么做“能够节省大量能源，而且可以领到免费巧克力”。
现在，到了人们最热切期待的奖项部分：行话组别。
● 本组别的第一个奖项是“名词兼任动词奖”。该奖非常受欢迎，以至于评委们一下子就颁发了三面奖牌。2008年奥运会让世界知道了“奖牌”(Medal)可以作动词讲，该词是该奖项的铜牌得主。该奖的银牌得主是“预兆”(Auspice)，金牌得主则是动词“日落”(Sunset)。去年夏天，美国在线 (AOL)在宣布它将取消部分产品时让这个词产生了巨大效果。“Bluestring、Xdrive和AOL Pictures都将日落西山。[它们]没有在市场中获得足够高的关注度或必要的盈利水平。”换句话说，它们失败了。
● 鉴于目前的经济形势，评委们今年将颁发一项特别奖：“最佳裁员用语奖”。获得提名的有新词“动态优化”(Dynamic Rightsizing)，该词的含义是定期裁员，而且裁得更刺激、频率更快。该奖得主是“更上一层楼”(Upgrade)这个词，获奖原因是该词虚伪无比。一位读者说，当她在2008年中期被一家美国公司裁掉时曾被告知：“我们希望您从即刻起更上一层楼。我们将让您继续前进，这是为了让您能更加有效的运用自己的才智和技能，从而让您的职业生涯和机遇都更上一层楼。”
● 最后一个奖项是“提升现有行话品质奖”。银牌得主是“全面崩溃”(Cascade Around)。评委们欣赏该词所透露出来的新平均主义：免得有人会对“这场崩溃是自上而下形成”的看法感到不爽，新添加的副词使得这一概念不再那么具有等级性。不过，金牌属于“战略阶梯”(Strategy Staircase)这个杰出词汇。评委们认为，这个词的出现意味着现有的“战略树”一词发生了跃变，并将这个概念提升到了一个全新的高度。
译者/汪洋
Management twaddle has thrived amid the turmoil
Every January, I hand out awards to the world's top purveyors of business twaddle for outstanding achievement during the past 12 months. This year, however, I was fearful that my ceremony would not be able to go ahead.
Last September, I wrote a column pointing out that the crash had made the bottom fall out of market in management bullshit; business people seemed to have renounced waffle and were being rather sober and sensible. While this might have been a good thing for the world as a whole, for my awards ceremony it was a catastrophe.
However, I have just looked in my 2008 twaddle cupboard and found, to my huge relief, that it is almost as well-stocked as usual. Not only are there some very fine twaddle entries from the first nine months of the year, but even in the past three months there has been much to commend. It seems that managers' ability to create twaddle is so fundamental that, after a brief hiccup in September, it is now business as usual. Which means I am now delighted to announce that my 2008 Top Twaddle awards will go forward as usual.
● My first award this year is a new category called Rearranging The Deckchairs. The clear winner here is Citibank, which, just as its business was getting really tough last summer, sent a cheery message to all staff suggesting they download the Citi theme tune to their mobiles. “Citi's audio brand was composed especially for Citi and ladders off our purpose of ‘Driving Success',” the message said. The twaddle judges were particularly impressed by the phrase “to ladder off”, as they previously only heard the verb ladder used in connection with stockings.
● The second award is for Economists' Twaddle. It seems that 2008 was a great year for economists getting it all entirely wrong and then being spectacularly wise after the event. But this year's award goes to a World Bank economist who hedged his bets so cleverly it was impossible to know what his view was on anything. As he told the BBC World Service: “In our ba<x>se case simulation there is an upside case that, er, corresponds on the flipside of the downside case in kind of an adverse direction.”
● Third is the award for Most Aggravating On Hold Message, which in 2008 was as hotly contested as ever. However, the clear winner was the UK's Driving Standards Agency for a message that said: “Thank you for your call. The anticipated waiting time for this call is . . . longer than we would expect you to wait. In appreciation of your time, patience and cost implications to yourself, we are terminating this call.” And then it cuts you off.
● The next award is for Best New Job Title. The outstanding winner was Diageo, which in the closing days of the year put out an announcement saying Darren Jones was joining “the Diageo Way of Selling team as Design Director for Customer and Channel Profitability and Trade Investment”.
The judges noted an interesting new trend in this category: title inflation is no longer in importance but in word length. If there is no money to give people a rise, then the next best thing is to add words to the name.
● Another new category this year is an award for Treating Your Employees Like Animals. So many companies were eligible for this as a result of brutal mass sackings in the past few months that the judges decided it would be unfair to single out any individual entrant. They decided instead to recognise the achievement of Brent Council in London for treating its people like pets. It told staff to turn off computers at night arguing that it “can save dramatic amounts of energy and may earn you a chocolate treat”.
And now for the most eagerly awaited part of the awards: the jargon section.
● The first award in this group is for Nouns Moonlighting As Verbs, which was so popular that the judges are giving out three gongs. The 2008 Olympics introduced the world to the verb “to medal”. This entry medals with a bronze. The Silver medal in this category goes to “to auspice”, while gold goes to the verb “to sunset”. AOL used the verb to great effect last summer in declaring that it was canning some products. “Bluestring, Xdrive and AOL Pictures will be sunset. [They] have not gained sufficient traction in the marketplace or the monetisation levels necessary.” In other words, they were flops.
● In recognition of the economic climate the judges are giving a special award this year for Best Term For Sacking People. An honorary mention goes to the new phrase “dynamic rightsizing”, which means regular sackings, only more exciting and souped-up. The winner, for its sheer disingenuity, goes to “upgrade”. A reader reports that when she was fired by her US company in mid-2008 she was told: “We are going to upgrade you with immediate effect. We are going to allow you to move on in order that you can you use your talents and skills more effectively and thus upgrade your career and opportunities.”
● The final award is for Improving Existing Jargon. A silver medal goes to “to cascade around”. The judges liked the new egalitarianism of this: lest anyone be offended at the idea that a cascade falls from top to bottom, this new preposition makes the idea less hierarchical. Gold, however, belongs to the outstanding phrase “strategy staircase”. The judges felt this represented a step change on the existing strategy tree, and laddered the concept to a whole new level.
作者：游客 在 海归商务 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
上一次由tahiti于2009-1-18 周日, 23:40修改，总共修改了1次
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 [转帖]谈判桌上的语言学问题 -- tahiti - (7010 Byte) 2009-1-18 周日, 09:44 (1981 reads) - [转帖]2008年“最胡扯商业用语” -- tahiti - (7708 Byte) 2009-1-18 周日, 09:52 (528 reads)
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