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 这个姐姐关于parenting的观点很牛，3J做不到，和大家共勉啦！ |
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这两天我把网上所有的关于parenting 的争论都看了。 -- 三中心 - (32 Byte) 2011-1-11 周二, 23:30 (762 reads) |
水边
头衔: 海归少校
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加入时间: 2005/01/30
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作者：水边 在 海归商务 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
•Dad of three boys wrote:
There are two schools of thought here: constant parental involvement creates kids who can’t self-motivate, vs constant parental involvement ingrains in kids the need for hard work.
You asked for my personal perspective, here it is: My wife is a typical Asian “school mom” and I’m the typical American dad of three boys who wants to have fun with them all the time. Which of us is right? Well, I can tell you that if my kids were raised “laissez faire” they would do nothing but play Wii and World of Warcraft all day long. If their mother and I leave them alone for even a few minutes, we know we can find them parked in front of a computer or the video game console (a gift from their grandmother, otherwise we wouldn’t even have it in the house). My oldest (11) is virtually immune to promises of reward or threats of punishment. There are things he claims to want in life, but nothing he has demonstrated a willingness to actually work for. At first, I was willing to let him quit things he “wasn’t good at” or had lost interest in. He showed an early aptitude for chess, so we got involved in tournaments, etc. and he would win or finish near the top, but would not study or practice and then one day after about a year announced he had lost interest. Typical Western Dad (me) let him quit. What sort of psycho forces their kid to keep doing something they don’t like? Suffice to say, this pattern continued a few more times until I came to realize, my son will now quit anything the moment it requires any actual effort, the moment he plateaus, so to speak, because I have inadvertently taught him that’s the right thing to do. Perhaps he may figure out otherwise on his own if I continued laissez faire-style, but by then will it be too late?
Those posters who have said they or their children turned out fine or even above-average with laissez faire parenting, I suggest you may have gotten lucky. I was raised laissez faire myself by parents who both worked nights — your typical “latchkey kid” — and I’m financially successful blah blah blah, but I never achieved any of my real dreams, and didn’t even finish college (lost a scholarship by sleeping though classes, actually) and a lot of it probably has to do with a similar tendency to give up at exactly the moment when the successful knuckle down. I have also watched my older sister’s kids — now in their late 20’s but raised in front of a television by a mom who is a career elementary school educator — grow up to be complete and total slackers. One went AWOL from the Army when he “got bored” and now works part time in a warehouse, living rent-free in one of his dad’s empty rental houses, the other makes just enough in entry level jobs to keep partying with her friends. So for every success story, there is probably a counter, and perhaps vice versa. Also keep in mind, that times have changed. When I was a kid, if my parents weren’t around to smack me into line, my friends’ parents were pretty much authorized to do so. Nowadays, I’d be afraid to even yell at someone else’s kid for egregiously misbehaving, lest I get sued by the parents whose very inability to discipline created the beast in the first place. And let’s don’t even get into how kids behave online. If you’re “too old” to play online games and witness first-hand how unsupervised, anonymous kids age 12-20 behave in virtual public, then perhaps you should do so as a sort of eye-opening cultural science experiment.
Anyway, my wife now has free reign to dominate and educate our kids, which she does with diligence. It’s not something she relishes, it’s something she endures. When I come home from work, she is frazzled but the kids have done their homework and are engaged in the next extracurricular activity. When they express boredom or frustration, they are told to endure. My personal opinion now is that if the kids don’t turn out right, it won’t be because of her, it will be because she wasn’t able to undo the damage my “laissez faire” attitude did early on. As you read that, keep in mind that I love my boys above all else, and really do nothing socially other than play board games with them, etc. when we all have free time — and they have less then me. They know beyond all doubt they are loved and appreciated, but they now also are learning that there are expectations in this world and life is not all “pwning noobs” and jumping on turtles for coins.
But, by all means, please continue to let your kids veg out on the couch all day and believe they are special just for being born. They are, after all, my sons’ competition some day for jobs
作者：水边 在 海归商务 发贴, 来自【海归网】 http://www.haiguinet.com
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